Planning

 Loglines

Monday 8th February seminar

In today's seminar we learnt about loglines which are a short and brief description of a story. 

Features loglines typically include:

• between 20 and 30 words
• the protagonist
• the inciting incident 
• their main goal
• something to raise the stakes 

Within my group we decided to try and write a logline for the film Knives Out (2019), this is what we came up with:

After the suspicious death of crime novelist Harlen Thrombey is announced, his family and associates are thrown into a game of who-dunnit led by infamous detective Benoit Blank

After googling the original we found it was pretty similar: 

When famed auhor Harlen Thrombey is found with a slit throat the day after his birthday, Detective Benoit Blanc is on the case. With the only possible suspects being Thrombey's own family, and the amount of evidence low, everything points to a suicide

Afterwards we were challenged to write a logline for our own story idea, this is what I came up with:

When lonely village postman Ted starts receiving anonymous love letters he goes on a clumsy adventure to find his secret admirer

From the group feedback the most complimented part was the use of the adjective 'clumsy' as it gave a hint at the type of adventure and a USP to the romcom story, something that has been done many times before. 

Working Out The Main Plot Points

In order to create my synopsis, I need to flesh my storyline out further so I know how the plot will go. 

My logline was: 

When lonely village postman Ted starts receiving anonymous love letters he goes on a clumsy adventure to find his secret admirer

In order to do this, I laid out the three act structure in order to work out the plot and make sure it follows the typical conventions:

Act 1:

• Beginning
• Inciting incident 
• Second thoughts

Act 2: 

• Obstacles
• Big twist
• Obstacles
• Crisis

Act 3:

• Descending action 
• Wrap-up
• End

I then took these points and keeping in mind the ten-minute limitations of this task, wrote out my plot points:

Act 1:

• Beginning- introduced to Ted, our postman, and his day-to-day job
• Inciting incident- finding the love letter
• Second thoughts- doesn't believe it to be for him, but later decides to follow the clues (after an action which shows how lonely he is, e.g. setting up one dinner place and looking at the empty chairs)

Act 2:

• Obstacles- on his round struggles with the clue, believes it to be the shop lady (she's very friendly to him and slightly flirty) 
• Big twist- not the shop lady
• Obstacles- receives a new clue, leads him to the village hall cleaner 
• Crisis- it's not her and there's no new clue 

Act 3:

• Descending action- after a moment of pessimism finds a new clue in front of his house, leads him to the lady opposite, often seen tending to her garden
• Wrap-up- all the clues become clear
• End- happy :)

Creating the Characters

In order to create the synopsis, I need to flesh out the characters, and give them clear and 3D personalities. 

So far, the only clear character I have is the one in my logline:

When lonely village postman Ted starts receiving anonymous love letters he goes on a clumsy adventure to find his secret admirer

But, since working out the plot (detailed in this post here) I know I need to create these characters:

• Ted, the postman
• Lazarus, his parrot
• Lizzy, the shop lady
• Mary, the village hall cleaner
• Patricia, the opposite neighbour who loves her garden (and Ted)
• Colin, the village busybody

Once I had their names and roles in the story I was able to create their personalities:

Ted, the postman:

• 65 years old
• Loves toffees
• Been a postman for the village for 43 years
• Wife died a few years back
• Extremely awkward and socially anxious 
• Wants to not be lonely 
• Wears a lot of sweater vests 

Lazarus, the parrot:

• Greedy
• Lived with Ted for 25 years
• Moody
• Likes to laugh at people

Lizzy, the shop lady:

• Very bubbly
• Always trying to sell people her homemade cakes, in particular the lemon drizzle 
• Calls everyone hun

Mary, the village hall cleaner:

• Quiet, hides in corners
• Makes you jump 
• Swears she can see ghosts

Patricia, the neighbour (and admirer):

• Loves Cluedo 
• Spends a lot of time in her front garden tidying the flowers (or spying on Ted)
• Quiet, in a nervous, bashful way
• Gives a lot of flowers to Ted

Colin, the village busybody 

• Always complaining about the dog poo
• Throughout Ted's adventure gets in his way, interrupts him, tries to take the attention 
• Grumbles, a lot
• Secretly, just lonely too
• Ends up with Mary 

Synopsis

Since making my logline, the next task is to write up my synopsis. 

A synopsis needs to include:

• Outline of the plot
• The protagonist (their wants and weaknesses)
• Something which raises the stakes
• Indiction of the genre
• Another character
• Present tense

My logline is: 

When lonely village postman Ted starts receiving anonymous love letters he goes on a clumsy adventure to find his secret admirer

I have worked out the plot (here) and the characters (here), from this I can create the synopsis:

65-year-old Ted has been a postman for as long as he can remember and since the death of his wife, the repetitive days consist of his rounds, waving to his neighbour Patricia, and feeding his pet parrot Lazarus. He's lonely, and yet his clumsy heart and anxious mind keep him from breaking out of his routine. It seems as though this is all he has left. Until, one day on his post round he finds an anonymous love letter, addressed to him and complete with a clue. Following the encrypted note, he is taken to Lizzy, the lemon-drizzle loving shop keeper, a personality of bubbles and smiles. But a trip off-course is not possible without busybody Colin demanding to know the details of Ted's unusual whereabouts. After a tiresome and insufferable conversation, Ted works through a stumble of anxious words in an attempt to ask Lizzy if she is the secret admirer, only to be met with another clue. Deciphering the words, he is taken to the village hall, where he finds it's cleaner Mary. Although Mary attempts to be welcoming, her weak hearing gets the better of her and they engage in a frustrating back-and-forth for Ted to discover she doesn't have another clue at all, and the adventure seemingly comes to an end. Deflated he walks home, parcel bag still full, and hopes dropping. Amongst the lost, he is once again met with an enraged Colin, threatening to report his uncompleted duties. From all the buzz and blows of the day, steam flows out of Ted's ears as he puts Colin in his place and quiets the nagging voice once and for all. It is here, Ted finds another clue by his front door. With Lazarus' help, he wonders over to Cluedo-loving Patricia's house and is met with a smile and bag of toffees. Suddenly, the village seems slightly less lonely, and the voices slightly less loud. 

After writing the synopsis, I had a few concerns:

• That the story is too long and won't fit within the ten minutes
• That the character will not be developed enough
• That there isn't enough challenge for Ted

Following on, these are issues I will keep in mind. 

Applying Criticism to my Synopsis

After sending my synopsis to my lecturer he responded with some feedback:

• It is not exactly a synopsis but more of an extended one-pager
• A synopsis would include a couple paragraphs on the protagonist, history, wants, skills and flaws in relation to the story
• Could also include a few sentences on another character 

Essentially, a synopsis is less about the plot which I included a lot of in my originally synopsis here. 

So, here is my attempt at rewriting my synopsis, as an actual synopsis:

Awkward elderly Ted has been the village postman for as long as he can remember. He wakes up, feeds his moody pet parrot Lazarus, collects the post, delivers the post, and sleeps. Ever since the death of his wife, everything has felt quite lonely for Ted. Lazarus' hungry grumbles aren't the best company and the polite conversations he has on his rounds are not the most fulfilling. What Ted really wants is to fall in love again, to have someone to sit with at dinner, to bring a cup of tea to in the morning. The only issue is living in the same village your entire life with a job where people are usually behind closed doors does not offer the best social interaction skills. Ted is awkward, he stumbles and fumbles. Especially when talking to women. Even if that is bubbly lemon-drizzle loving Lizzy who owns the village shop, or neighbour Cluedo-enthusiast Patricia. But all of this is thrown up in the air the day Ted receives an anonymous love letter in the post, complete with a clue. 

Writing My Outline

After improving my synopsis it was time to write my outline. 

An outline focuses more on the plot, whilst a synopsis details more about the characters (as I learnt here). 

To help with this, the seminar focused on structure and plot points. Paul used script he had written for a short film Phone-O-Phobia. 

The main points we outlined were: 

• Opening- the normal world
• Inciting incident
• Break into Act II- protagonist gets active
• Plot Point 1- just before midnight
• Midpoint
• Plot Point 2- in the midpoint
• Dark Night of the Soul- moment of no return
• Plot Point 3- at the start of act III
• Climax- for good or for bad
• Ending- the new world

As I already knew my plot quite clearly I wrote out these main points and essentially filled them in, using them as a skeleton for my structure. 

This led to my outline: 

Opening- the new world:

65-year-old Ted has been a postman for as long as he can remember and since the death of his wife, the repetitive days consist of his rounds, waving to his neighbour Patricia and feeding his pet Lazarus. 

Inciting incident:

Then, one day, Ted finds a love letter amongst the post, anonymously addressed to him and complete with a clue. After a deliberation with Lazarus, Ted decides to follow the encrypted note. 

Break into Act II- protagonist gets active:

On his journey he is interrupted by nosy busybody Colin, demanding to know why Ted is off his usual route. Ted is anxious and attempts to slide by him, with little conflict. Colin remains on the pavement shouting at Ted’s back, threatening to report him. 

Plot Point 1- just before midnight: 

The clue takes Ted to the village shop, owned by lemon-drizzle loving Lizzy. He waits outside and attempts to pluck up the courage to go in. After watching a couple walk by, holding hands, he is motivated to open the door. The conversation between the two is awkward, despite Lizzy’s bubbliness the point of the conversation keeps getting lost under the topic of cake. Eventually, Ted gets his question across, asking if she is the admirer. She blushes and explains how she has the next clue. 

Midpoint:

Ted leaves the shop with a little more spring in his step. Again, Ted is stopped by Colin who demands to know why Ted is now going backwards on his route. He is waving his phone around threatening to report him. Again, Ted pushes past, this time grumbling under his breath. 

Plot Point 2- in the midpoint:

Ted then finds himself at the village hall, he stares at the ‘Only Staff’ sign, loitering outside the door. His breath has laboured and his heart pounding, but the sight of two birds fluttering around together acts as an incentive. 

Dark Night of the Soul- moment of no return:

After a few deep breaths he pushes the door forward. Ted attempts to call over to Mary, the hard-of-hearing cleaner to ask if she has the next clue but there is no response. After a very tiresome conversation he discovers Mary knows nothing, and she does not have the next clue. He walks away lost and deflated. 

Plot Point 3- at the start of act II:

Ted drags his feet home, his heart empty. Colin waits by his front door, foot tapping. Straight away, he accuses Ted of having not delivered the post today. Ted watches the ground, accepting the words. The shouting pulls Patricia out into her front garden to watch, even Lazarus is at the edge of his cage trying to see out the window. 

Climax- for good or for bad:

After too many harsh words, Ted’s head rises and he beings to shout back, arguing how one day off in 43 years is hardly a crime. Colin’s face darkens, and he storms off, mouth silent. As he leaves he drops a handful of letters clearly snatched from Ted’s postal bag. Within the pile is a letter addressed to Ted at the village hall. He rips it open excitedly, heart pounding. Deciphering the clue quickly, Ted looks across the road to see a blushing Patricia watching him, she smiles shyly. 

Ending- the new world:

We end on Ted sat at his kitchen table, two places filled with spaghetti Bolognese and two smiling faces. 

Applying Criticism to my Outline/Story

After sending my outline (here) to Paul (which he sent on to the other students), I received some feedback on my story. There was a couple questions, things to think about and plot mistakes:

• Why does Colin take the letters? Do we see it? What is his motivation?
• Who do we want Ted to get with? Who does Ted want to get with. It feels in the script like it’s Lizzie, but he ends up with Patricia
• We need to earn the ending, and want it for Ted
• What is Ted’s fatal flaw, how does it hold him back? What’s his want?

These were all really important points that, once pointed out, I realised were really holding my story back from being strong. To fix them, I sat and thought through each point and how it would affect the story going forward. 

• Colin does not take the letters
• Lizzy is supposed to be a red herring, but instead just confuses the reader, it makes the ending unsatisfying
• To fix this, Patricia will be introduced at the start as Ted's landlady, and the final letter will be to his address (this was an idea brought to the table by Paul and made the story feel a lot more conclusive)
• To want the ending for Ted, the script will emphasise his loneliness more, as well as his want to go out and meet new people but be held back by his anxiety
• Ted's fatal flaw is his anxiety, his inability to meet new people, his fear to change what he's known for so long- his want is someone to spend his time with again 

Writing My Scene-By-Scene

 After the last session with feedback on our outlines, the next step was to write the scene-by-scene. This gives even more guidance for when it comes to writing the script. After applying the criticisms (here) I worked on the scenes, continuing to use the structure breakdown for guidance. 

I wanted to focus on fixing those particular issues and therefore focused on:

•  Introducing Patricia earlier
• Ted's flaws- inability to talk to women/overall confidence 
• Ted's wants- someone to fill the void his late wife left behind

These are the scenes: 

Setting up the World 

1: EXT. VILLAGE STREETS – MORNING 

Ted is seen delivering the post, waving to villagers, they clearly all know him, and he knows his route off by heart. At one point, he spins a letter in a throw to land perfectly in front of a door. An elderly lady comes over to talk to him and Ted becomes very flustered and makes a silly excuse to leave. 

2: INT. TED’S HOUSE – MORNING

Ted returns from his round, as he enters the house Patricia his landlady leaves, he waves, and she beams back. She starts talking to him about her recent game of Cluedo, Ted immediately becomes flustered, stumbles over his words and shuffles away. 

3: INT. TED’S KITCHEN – EVENING

Ted is plates up a portion of spaghetti Bolognese and bird food for Lazarus, his pet parrot. There is a framed photo on the wall of Ted laughing with a woman. The table has space for two to sit, but one seat is entirely empty. Ted chats with Lazarus about missing his wife and how finding someone to fill the seat is a silly suggestion at his age, plus he can’t remember how to talk to girls anyway. 

Inciting Incident 

4: EXT. VILLAGE STREETS – MORNING

Ted is seen again with his sack of letters, as he is going through the stack he notices one addressed to him. It is an anonymous love letter, complete with a clue on how to find them. Ted fumbles and blushes, he shoves the letter into his back pocket, and then does a little excited dance. 

5: INT. TED’S KITCHEN – EVENING

Ted discusses following the clue with Lazarus and decides he will the next day. 

Act II: Protagonist Gets Proactive 

6: EXT. VILLAGE STREETS – MORNING

Ted has decided to follow the clue, on the way he is interrupted by busybody Colin who demands to know why Ted has gone off his usual route, they have some conflict. 

7: EXT. OUTSIDE VILLAGE SHOP – MORNING

The clue leads Ted to outside the shop, he is anxious and spends time hyping himself up and talking to himself.  

8: INT. VILLAGE SHOP – MORNING

Lizzy, the shop owner, is bubbly but with her enthusiasm for selling her homemade lemon drizzle and Ted’s awkwardness, Ted struggles to get his question across. Finally, he finds out Lizzy is not the admirer and she hands him another clue. 

Midpoint 

9: EXT. VILLAGE STREETS – MIDDAY 

Ted follows the other clue. On the way Colin stops him, he again threatens to report him. This time he shoves past him, his confidence has grown. 

10: INT/EXT. VILLAGE HALL – MIDDAY 

The clue takes Ted to the village hall, he is told to find Mary the cleaner, but the sign reads ‘Staff Only’. After some deep breaths he pushes through the door. 

11: INT. VILLAGE HALL – MIDDAY 

Ted again is anxious and stumbles over his words, paired with Mary’s bad hearing results in a frustrating conversation. He ends up empty handed. 

Moment of No Return

12: EXT. TED’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON

Ted drags his feet home, he is disappointed and deflated. At his front door Colin is waiting, he shouts at Ted for having gone off route without alerting the council. He points to his phone proving that he’s contacted them and reported him. The shouting pulls Patricia out in curiosity, even Lazarus tries to watch out the window from his cage. Eventually, Ted can’t take it anymore and shouts back at Colin putting him in his place. 

Act III

13. EXT. TED’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON

Patricia comes out shyly, she asks why Ted is so worked up and he explains the whole ordeal. She asks if maybe the last clue is there? On the door step is another letter, addressed to him. 

Climax

14. EXT. TED’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON

Ted spends a moment working out the clue and realises Patricia was the one who sent him on the trial. They both blush and he goes to take her hand, apologies for the sweat. 

Ending 

15. INT. TED’S KITCHEN – EVENING 

The two are sat at the table with full plates of spaghetti Bolognese, chatting with Lazarus happily. 

Applying Criticism to my Scene-By-Scene

In our last seminar, we went through our scene-by-scenes, offering each other feedback and ideas. 

My scene-by-scene can be viewed here. 

In the session, I expressed that something didn't exactly work with my story, and it was pinpointed that it was my character Colin's motivation. 

After discussing ideas, a new story arc to feed into the story was created. 

Here is the feedback given for me to improve my story:

• Colin should also live with Ted and Patricia 
• Lazarus (the parrot) acts as the voice for the passed-away wife, repeating comments she said to Ted
• Use Lazarus to motivate Ted into looking for a new relationship
• Ted needs to talk to Patricia more and have her drop clues
• Perhaps a story about her motivations- something telling her she will find true love and egging Ted on to follow the hunt
• Ted and Patricia discuss taking a risk, Colin (who fancies Patricia) sees this as a hint to him
• He is angry that it was a hint to Ted, this is his motivations 
• Colin snatches the letter thinking it is from Patricia but it is from Lizzy, resulting in Ted losing his temper 
• Perhaps even, Lizzy and Colin end up together 

I believe these ideas will make my story more vibrant and my characters more 3D. 

I shall incorporate them in my first 5 pages, my next task for my story.