Criticism and Reflecting

Applying Criticism to my Synopsis 

After sending my synopsis to my lecturer he responded with some feedback:

• It is not exactly a synopsis but more of an extended one-pager
• A synopsis would include a couple paragraphs on the protagonist, history, wants, skills and flaws in relation to the story
• Could also include a few sentences on another character 

Essentially, a synopsis is less about the plot which I included a lot of in my originally synopsis here. 

So, here is my attempt at rewriting my synopsis, as an actual synopsis:

Awkward elderly Ted has been the village postman for as long as he can remember. He wakes up, feeds his moody pet parrot Lazarus, collects the post, delivers the post, and sleeps. Ever since the death of his wife, everything has felt quite lonely for Ted. Lazarus' hungry grumbles aren't the best company and the polite conversations he has on his rounds are not the most fulfilling. What Ted really wants is to fall in love again, to have someone to sit with at dinner, to bring a cup of tea to in the morning. The only issue is living in the same village your entire life with a job where people are usually behind closed doors does not offer the best social interaction skills. Ted is awkward, he stumbles and fumbles. Especially when talking to women. Even if that is bubbly lemon-drizzle loving Lizzy who owns the village shop, or neighbour Cluedo-enthusiast Patricia. But all of this is thrown up in the air the day Ted receives an anonymous love letter in the post, complete with a clue. 

Applying Criticism to my Outline/Story

After sending my outline (here) to Paul (which he sent on to the other students), I received some feedback on my story. There was a couple questions, things to think about and plot mistakes:

• Why does Colin take the letters? Do we see it? What is his motivation?
• Who do we want Ted to get with? Who does Ted want to get with. It feels in the script like it’s Lizzie, but he ends up with Patricia
• We need to earn the ending, and want it for Ted
• What is Ted’s fatal flaw, how does it hold him back? What’s his want?

These were all really important points that, once pointed out, I realised were really holding my story back from being strong. To fix them, I sat and thought through each point and how it would affect the story going forward. 

• Colin does not take the letters
• Lizzy is supposed to be a red herring, but instead just confuses the reader, it makes the ending unsatisfying
• To fix this, Patricia will be introduced at the start as Ted's landlady, and the final letter will be to his address (this was an idea brought to the table by Paul and made the story feel a lot more conclusive)
• To want the ending for Ted, the script will emphasise his loneliness more, as well as his want to go out and meet new people but be held back by his anxiety
• Ted's fatal flaw is his anxiety, his inability to meet new people, his fear to change what he's known for so long- his want is someone to spend his time with again 

Applying Criticism to my Scene-By-Scene

 In our last seminar, we went through our scene-by-scenes, offering each other feedback and ideas. 

My scene-by-scene can be viewed here. 

In the session, I expressed that something didn't exactly work with my story, and it was pinpointed that it was my character Colin's motivation. 

After discussing ideas, a new story arc to feed into the story was created. 

Here is the feedback given for me to improve my story:

• Colin should also live with Ted and Patricia 
• Lazarus (the parrot) acts as the voice for the passed-away wife, repeating comments she said to Ted
• Use Lazarus to motivate Ted into looking for a new relationship
• Ted needs to talk to Patricia more and have her drop clues
• Perhaps a story about her motivations- something telling her she will find true love and egging Ted on to follow the hunt
• Ted and Patricia discuss taking a risk, Colin (who fancies Patricia) sees this as a hint to him
• He is angry that it was a hint to Ted, this is his motivations 
• Colin snatches the letter thinking it is from Patricia but it is from Lizzy, resulting in Ted losing his temper 
• Perhaps even, Lizzy and Colin end up together 

I believe these ideas will make my story more vibrant and my characters more 3D. 

I shall incorporate them in my first 5 pages, my next task for my story. 

Feedback on First Five Pages

 After handing in my first five pages I had a one-to-one session discussing feedback. The session was incredibly helpful and has made my opening of the script much stronger. 

We highlighted a few areas that needed particular work, these included:

• Ted needs to interact more with the potential 'Juliets', this adds depth to the story for the audience and sets up the mystery that is to come from the inciting incident 
• Colin needs to be established more as the antagonist through his jealousy 
• Particular traits of Ted's need to be emphasised, including his obliviousness and awkwardness around women
• The geography of the world needs to be set up clearly for the audience 

After thinking through these points, I worked on how I could incorporate them into the re-write of my five pages. 

I did this by:

• Creating a scene where the women and Colin are playing Cluedo, here Ted is awkward around the women and we see Colin's jealousy at his own lack of attention
• The audience are introduced to the potential women in this scene, setting them up as potential admirers 
• Setting some of the conversations within the corridors of the house to establish how the characters live together 

After figuring out how I was going to fix these areas, I began re-writing my first five pages. 

Reflecting on my First Draft

Today I finished my first draft of my script and knew instantly that I wasn't happy with it. To improve, I went through and worked out the elements that were weak and letting the script down. 

To identify these, I thought about some of my favourite TV shows and films and what made those strong. 

For example, focusing on one of my favourite TV shows New Girl, all the characters have very strong and identifiable traits and personalities. In my opinion, making them stronger through how genuine and 3D they come across to the audience. 

Things I want to improve on:

• Define the different Juliets with stronger differing personalities 
• Sort out Colin as an antagonist- what is his motive? plan? 
• General continuity errors

My next step is to work through these and then re-reflect on my story to search again for weak areas. 

Reflecting on my Second Draft

 After talking to Paul, my supervisor, about my second draft, he gave me some notes to help strengthen my storyline as I felt it was not as impactful as it could be. 

Besides little points, the main changes were

• Adding in an element in the storyline were Colin messes with the clues, making the storyline less linear
• After this Colin can admit to his actions and have a moment of redemption, strengthening his character arc and making him a more genuine character

Although this was only one different plot point, it will change the story dramatically, as different elements have to be changed throughout for continuity. 

Reflecting on the Project

Following the end of writing my script, I wanted to reflect back on the project and what I would have done differently. 

Reflecting on the Story

Looking back at original posts on my blog, I can see that my story has changed significantly from my initial ideas. This is down to my own change in details and also advice from my peers and supervisor. Since starting the story, I have added characters and events in the storyline to make the entire piece more layered and non-linear. 

A big change in the storyline occurred after a recent meeting with Paul, my supervisor. I emailed him asking for help as my script didn't feel particularly strong as a story. He helped me work through these troubles and suggested a slight twist in the events in my story to add some dimension. After including these changes I feel that my story was significantly improved and worked better cohesively. 

Another large change that occurred throughout my writing process was the development of the characters. My initial ideas had named characters but their reactions and emotions did not come to light until I was writing them. This was a change that was inevitable and near impossible to plan from the start due to the writing process. 

To improve next time I write a script, I think I will plan out the storyline in more detail before starting to write. Although change in characters and storyline is nearly always inevitable when writing, I think planning out these elements further beforehand will reduce the changes that occur during writing, and ultimately the time the project takes. 

Reflecting on my Project

In terms of how I handled the time management and organisation aspects of my project, I feel as though I did well. I worked through my script bit-by-bit which allowed for plenty of time for writing and also leaving the piece for me to return to and reflect upon. 

I also finished my script earlier than the deadline which allowed for me to read it through with my peers and check the fluidity of the dialogue as well as double-check punctuation and grammar. 

One area of the project I did struggle with was the presentation. I was unsure what to include in order to sell by story idea. However, knowing I would struggle, I gave myself plenty of time for this and decided explaining why I was passionate about the project in the presentation would be the best way to sell it. 

Overall

In conclusion, this is a project that I am proud of. The work and dedication I have put into the project has allowed my story writing skills to grow and I now feel more comfortable writing scripts. I believe the way I was flexible and not precious with my characters allowed for the best version of my story as I was not afraid to change different aspects. 

I am also proud that I repeatedly asked my supervisor for help, as this was something I was not as good at in my first year of university. I feel as though I looked for advice when I needed it and used what was said actively and effectively.