Feedback on First Five Pages

 After handing in my first five pages I had a one-to-one session discussing feedback. The session was incredibly helpful and has made my opening of the script much stronger. 

We highlighted a few areas that needed particular work, these included:

• Ted needs to interact more with the potential 'Juliets', this adds depth to the story for the audience and sets up the mystery that is to come from the inciting incident 
• Colin needs to be established more as the antagonist through his jealousy 
• Particular traits of Ted's need to be emphasised, including his obliviousness and awkwardness around women
• The geography of the world needs to be set up clearly for the audience 

After thinking through these points, I worked on how I could incorporate them into the re-write of my five pages. 

I did this by:

• Creating a scene where the women and Colin are playing Cluedo, here Ted is awkward around the women and we see Colin's jealousy at his own lack of attention
• The audience are introduced to the potential women in this scene, setting them up as potential admirers 
• Setting some of the conversations within the corridors of the house to establish how the characters live together 

After figuring out how I was going to fix these areas, I began re-writing my first five pages.